swimming upstream

Now that I have seen...

2008-08-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

Hello all. It's been a little over a month since my feet landed safely on American soil. I've spent that month mulling over memories of Africa: the poverty, the disease, the desperation, the joy, the singing, the hope. I think it's safe to say I will never be the same--nor would I want to go back to what I was.

Upon arriving back in the U.S. I was introduced to an artist, Brooke Fraser, who has spent a significant amount of time in Rwanda, Africa. Her song, "Albertine" has been on repeat in my van for weeks. You can check out a video of her song here.

Here are the chorus lyrics:

Now that I have seen, I am responsible
Faith without deeds is dead
Now that I have held you
In my own arms
I cannot let go till you are

It's hard explain, but after witnessing such desolation, I really do have a deep seated feeling of responsibility toward the nation of Kenya. How can I hear the stories of dozens of women who have lost their families to AIDS, who are also HIV positive, and just walk away? How can I hug, sing with, and play with street children who literally own nothing other than the torn shirts on their backs and go back to my home and a family who loves me? How can I teach a group of pastors who minister to a dozen churches each, traveling hours by bike, boat or other modes of public transportation to each congregation each week, and go back to my van with air conditioning and cd player? How can I return to my comparatively easy life when they are fighting just to keep theirs? Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Where do I go from here? I pray God will reveal it to me in no uncertain terms. I realize that I cannot singlehandedly solve the world's problems, but there must be something I (we) can do. I'll try and keep you all updated as I flesh all of this out with God's help.

For now, I'll post some long-overdue pictures!

School children in their uniforms. Beautiful smiles! Most kids in Kenya don't see cameras all too often, so when we asked to take their picture, they were more than happy to oblige.

These little girls all crowded around me after church on my first Sunday in Kenya. They pet my skin, touched my face, and played with my hair, all while giggling and talking a mile-a-minute in Kiswahili. A woman sitting nearby informed me that they were saying "Your hair is slippery, and your ears are beautiful!"

These are some of the street children that we ministered to. So silly! These boys wander the streets carrying bottles of glue, which they inhale. They beg for food and money, but most people in Kenya are unsympathetic if not downright mean to them. In a city of 200,000 people, there are 1,500 to 2,000 little boys (age 9-18) living on the street.

This little boy, Davis, has a disease (probably empitygo) which is causing an outbreak on his face and mouth. The cost of medicine would probably be no more than $10, if someone could afford to buy him treatment...

This is me teaching a group of village kids about Holy Week. The kids are waving palm branches that they made and singing "hosanna to the King of kings!"

Here are some sweet kiddos who hung out outside of a conference that my team and I were holding for Lutheran Pastors in Kenya. We had a great time playing with them, despite a language barrier.

Here I am between Isaiah and Evans, two new friends of mine who will soon be ordained pastors!

More kids at the pastor's conference. They were taking turns bouncing in my lap while singing...they loved the funny sounds they could make as they bounced.

Here is one of the rooms I stayed in at a guest house in Kisumu. Notice the mosquito net. Malaria is the 2nd highest killer in Africa. It could easily be prevented if everyone could afford to have one of these nets above their beds at night. Cost = $10

More on Africa to come...

Lots of love to all of you who supported this trip financially and through prayer! Sorry I've been so slow to tell you about it. I'll get a letter to you all in the mail very soon!

Peace That Passes ALL Understanding

2008-05-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

What a whirlwind! One month ago my life was in California--serving God in an amazing church, leading worship, and loving on an awesome youth group. I had a good-looking apartment, a dependable car, the company of a rambunctious cat named Henry, and the blessing of many wonderful friends and "family". I had a great life.

Presently, I find myself living in a new "great life" 1500 miles down the road from California. Though I'm technically back home in Nebraska, the details of my life are fresh and new. I'm living at the Lincoln People's City Mission where I'll serve as missionary for one year. I said goodbye to my dependable car on which I was still making payments and said hello to a mini-van owned by the Mission. My buddy, Henry is living the good life with my parents and my sister, and the possibility of soon forging new friendships looks promising. And of course, I've been reunited with my family, who I LOVE!

As I reflect on the life I've left behind, and look forward to the unfolding of the coming year, I have such a calm about me that I am sure I must be experiencing the "peace that surpasses all understanding". I regularly have moments when I think to myself, or say out loud to anyone within earshot, "Should I be freaking out now?" or "Is it time to cry?" I've been through many transitions in my 25 years, and with each transition usually comes tears--tears of fear, tears of anxiety, tears of sadness over old memories. This time around, all I can feel is peace. This can only be from God!

I only wish you could all have the opportunity to step into my new life for a day--to experience the joy of this new place, see the Spirit at work among the staff and guests, to join in authentic worship of our Savior with people of every color and background, and hear the holy roar of voices raised to God in unity. There is something very special about this place. I can already feel God using my time here to fill, heal, and refresh me.

So far, my time at the mission has been spent:

1. leading worship at the Filling Station (daily chapel for staff and guests) and at Sunday church
2. playing with kids at Club E.D.E.F.Y.
3. sitting in on casework
4. helping in the family shelter
5. teaching classes
6. holding babies :)
7. being interviewed on Pastor Thom's radio show (the Administrative Director of the mission)
8. learning about domestic violence, mental illness, and drug abuse
9. building relationships with guests
10. starting the groundwork for The Backyard Mission Experience (a program that will give young people an opportunity to interface with the homeless as they sleep, eat, serve and grow at the mission for a week, a month, or a year!)

Here's a few pictures and stories from the last few weeks:

Marina holding baby Jaylie. Marina was scoping out my room the other day--fishing through my toiletries and jewelry, when she found something she REALLY wanted! She walked over to me with my contacts in hand and said with her sweet Sudanese accent, "Kin ah poot deese in mah ahs?" She has yet to forget about those contacts :)

Chonrell (on the left) is my shadow :)

Grace and Grace! The first time we met, Grace said to me, "Hey, you stole my name!", to which I responded, "I think I was born first!" We thought we were so funny, we've repeated this conversation many times since then.

This is Johnny. We get along great, but his true love is Natalie :) She came out to help me with the kids yesterday and Johnny fell in love with her right away. "Your sister is cute," he said to me with a grin. But of course, Johnny sees more in Natalie than just her good looks. He also thinks she is a great drawer and that she makes the best bubble letters!

Now, may you "...experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:7

2008-01-23T14:46:00.001-08:00

Hello friends and family!

Thank you all for your prayers and concerns for myself and my Kenya missionary team. I am writing to let you all know that the decision was made to postpone our trip until a later, and hopefully safer time. If all is well, we are looking at June 17-July 1.

Please continue to pray for the nation of Kenya as well as the nearly 250,000 people who have been displaced. They have a long road ahead of them!

All my love.
Grace

Kenya

2008-01-16T17:32:00.000-08:00

I hate to write this update in a hurry, but....perhaps something is better than nothing? As you may have already heard in the headlines, prayers are desperately needed for the nation of Kenya. After a [supposedly] rigged presidential election a few weeks ago, political and social unrest remain. Will you please pray:

for rioting and protesting to cease
for peaceful communication between political parties
for relief for people left hungry, homeless, unemployed
for my missionary team- that we would receive divine wisdom concerning our travel, scheduled Feb. 14-28- that God would intervene if it is unsafe for us to go
for Dan and Patty, our hosts, living in Kenya, that they would remain safe, and that we would know best how to help them

Infinite thanks to all of you who have prayed and given support! I have been abundantly blessed by your generosity.

Never Be Enough

2008-01-16T17:10:00.000-08:00

if there was an offering i could bring
worthy of the love shown me

it would spread like an ocean
wide and deep
stand tall like a mountain
and sing like a breeze
it's color's would rival autumn leaves
but that would never be enough

because Your love
holds back nothing
only Your love
makes me worthy

if there was an offering i could bring
worthy of the love shown me

it would spring from the ground
like fragrant trees
fill desert places
with rushing streams
bring warmth and light
to lifeless things
but that would never be enough

because Your love
holds back nothing
only Your love
makes me worthy

You give love beyond oceans
wide and deep
higher than mountains
yet gentle and sweet
You color my life
with all good things
and i'm covered in Your love
Jesus, You make me enough

Never A Dull Moment (that might be a lie)

2007-11-10T16:29:00.000-08:00

today i had an unexpected lunch/shopping date with a fun friend. after perusing a few stores in our quaint Lodi "downtown", we decided to drive to a nearby gift shop that is having a going out of business sale. after walking around the store for a while, looking at a lot of still-out-of-my-price-range gift items, i had a sudden urge to purge (aka, needed to pee...bad). there was no public bathroom in sight, so my sweet friend leaned over the checkout counter to ask one of the busy clerks where they hide their facilities. here we get to the reason for this post. the lady bends down and grabs this (below) from under the counter, and motions me to follow her.

We then walk over to a door that says "employees only" that leads down a VERY long, suspicious looking hallway, the bathroom being on the far end. There is a strong aroma of chinese food being prepared that fills the air, and the sound of mallets hitting cutting boards-i think. (apparently this places shares a wall with a chinese deli). Before the lady turns to walk away she says, "when you are done, come back to this door and press this button nice and hard. someone will be here shortly TO LET YOU OUT"!!! are you kidding me! ahhhhh! If I wasn't going to soon wet myself, i might have thought twice about this scene.

Beginnings

2007-11-09T16:21:00.000-08:00

new song?

channel colbie caillat as you read :)

cue soft, sporatic guitar picking...

bring me in from the rain

like a hot cup of tea

i'll sip on some reason

as you dry up my pride

and wring out emotion

'til i've thawed long enough

to regain feeling

and i'm ready to let the sky

stop doing my bleeding

All Things New

2007-11-07T13:13:00.000-08:00

I got a new Bible. Perhaps this isn’t necessary information for you to know, but...I got a new Bible. It’s a new translation for me, which is somewhat exciting and as an added bonus, it has a gorgeous fabric and leather cover and bright blue font. Everything about this Bible feels bright and fresh, even the content somehow seems brand new. Perhaps this is why I find myself feeling so hungry to read it. Or, maybe its simply that I’m finally paying attention to the soft gentle voice of God calling out to me, inviting me into His presence, through His Word.

Whatever it is about this new Bible of mine, I’m having a hard time putting it down. If you’re still reading this, you’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this. I’m not so sure I know the answer to that question myself….ha! I think I just want to give you some encouragement that God meant what He said in the book of James, “Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” I quote this verse to my youth group often, but in this moment, I know better than I have ever known, that this statement is true.

I can't get one of the "new" stories in my "new" Bible off my mind. It’s about Hagar, a servant of Sarah (Abraham's wife). This girl was manipulated and mistreated until she couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of facing up to her problems she ran away. I'm sure this story is not a newsflash to any of you, but stay tuned because the excited "new" segment is coming up...

So, Hagar is out wandering around (hiding, really) when God finds her. He sees her state of distress and hears her cries for help. In reply to His kindness, Hagar says,

“You are the God who sees me.”

I love that! God is the One who sees us. Have you ever been in a room full of people but still somehow felt all alone? Have you ever felt invisible (like Mr. Cellephane)? I know I’ve felt that way, but what a comfort to know that God sees us, and not only so, but He looks at us with love. I can't lie. It feels pretty good to be seen.

Creative Creator

2007-11-06T15:09:00.000-08:00

I went on the most BEAUTIFUL hike with my friend Susie last week. Unbelievable, surreal, extravagant, thought-provoking, awe-inspiring--these are all words that I could use to try to describe what I saw and experienced. Posting pictures just won't do the scenery justice, but its a start.

I was absolutely captivated as I walked from bubbling brooks, into the woods, past a marshy field, and onto the ocean shore. God is so creative. Seeing His work ignited my own excitement to create. Thinking of God as creative CREATOR was so freeing to me. I found myself enjoying God, which is something I have not often enough done, and it really did feel like freedom. Freedom to approach God in a new way, to pray to him through my own creating, to explore Him without the pressure of knowing everything.

It was a good day.

turkeys outside Susie's apartment

ferdenand, the caterpillar

E-L-A-Y-N-E

2007-11-06T14:07:00.000-08:00

I very nearly started this post with an apology for my delinquency in updating my blog. But then I paused a moment and thought to myself, "Self, this is your blog. It's a representation of YOU. You are a procrastinator. You are kinda forgetful. You do very few things with any consistency or promptness." So there you have it. I'll show up here when...well, when I show up I guess.

So, I was tagged a while back by my cousin Ericka, and I believe I was supposed to do an acrostic with my middle name and then tag some other people. As it turns out, I don't know anyone who hasn't already been tagged, so I'm going to need to skip that step. Here goes with the acrostic...

E- Elegant (but only at first glance-if that). A funny friend of mine one said, "Grace, when I first saw you I thought you were so graceful..." She stopped there and everyone in the room burst into laughter because they apparently knew just what she meant by that :)

L- I wish this was not true, but I'm late to almost everything. Not REALLY late, but 5-10 minutes. I've always been this way. The root of this embaressing problem (at least in the morning) is that I don't respond well to alarms. I should buy one of those alarm clocks that jumps off of your side table and makes you chase it around the room. Maybe that might cure me.

A- I am almost 100% right-brained, a.k.a. an artistic thinker. This can be a good thing if I'm writing a worship service, orchestrating music for the worship team, or writing lyrics for a song, but it also means that I can become so entrenched in a project that I block the whole world out and stop noticing the passing of time. This trait also makes some ordinary tasks feel like chores. It can take me a while to muster up the energy to make phone calls, check the mail, or work my way through a to-do list, and after completing these tasks I feel strangely drained.

Y- I often find myself yawning throughout the day because I stayed up too late the night before. For some reason I am much more productive at night than I am during daylight hours, and when I'm feeling productive, I run with it--and pay for it the next day.

N- I'm a Nebraskan...or am I a Texan? I'm a Nebrexan living in California.

E- If it's possible to be an introverted extrovert, then I am one. Obviously I'm not a shy person (though I was very shy as a little girl), but I thrive on quiet, alone time. At the same time I have strong need to bounce my thoughts off of other people.

Kalled to Kisumu, Kenya

2007-10-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

I have a sneaking suspicion that anyone who is reading my blog has already heard about the following, but Katie thought I should post it just in case. Who am I to disagree?

This is a letter I sent out to potential supporters about my fast-approaching adventure.

"Less than one month ago I was sitting in an auditorium at a leadership conference in Chicago. Though there was much to be learned throughout every part of this event, there was one underlying theme that struck me on a very personal level. Africa. It was as if God was ever so gently whispering it in my ear. Africa. I cried as I enjoyed the music and the spirit of the African Children’s Choir. My heart grew heavy as I listened to stories of churches who are working tirelessly to make a difference to African communities plagued by the AIDS pandemic. The whisper grew louder as I listened to speaker after speaker encouraging church leaders to find our strengths and follow our passions. Africa.

Looking back I know that these were not the first whispers. When I was only five years old I remember sitting in the downstairs lobby of my church listening to the stories of a family of missionaries to Africa. I remember the beauty of their traditional dress, their handmade treasures and, I even remember the way the sun was pouring in through the window behind them and seemingly shining around them. I remember thinking, I want to do that.

Six days after returning home from Chicago, I was helping at an LCMS District event when I was approached by Dan Deuel, pastor of St. Andrew Lutheran Church in Stockton. “Have you ever had any interest in overseas mission work?” he asked. “Yes!” I responded, without hesitation. “Why do you want to know?” Pastor Dan went on to explain that He was planning to take a group of missionaries to Kenya this February. “The first meeting is tomorrow. Can you make it?” “I’m there”, I blurted out.

All of a sudden I find myself in the middle of an adventure that I was not expecting, but one that I have been waiting for. I’m going to Kenya, Africa! And even more exciting than the destination is the mission. On February 13-28 2008, along with 6 other missionaries, I will be leading a church leadership conference for clergy and lay leaders of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of Kenya. I will also have the awesome opportunity to work with the street boys of Kisumu, Kenya and hold a VBS for children with special needs.

...Thank you all for the love and support I have already received and for your support of this ministry. Through you I am blessed and the Kingdom of God is furthered."

“O God our savior, You are the hope

of everyone on earth…” Psalm 65:5

Partners in Crime (actually I'm partner to his crime)

2007-10-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

This is Henry.

Swimming Upstream

2007-10-11T17:36:00.000-07:00

There's been a whole lot of peer pressure in the air concerning my entry into blog world. So, I guess you could say that I just caved. Here I am.

Swimming upstream is the name of a song that I wrote a few years back as I suffered from an internal game of tug of war. As it turns out, this has become a "lifesong" of sorts for me as i continue to struggle with what it means to really follow Christ and live a life sold out to Him.

Following are a few lines of that song. Perhaps this is too intimate for a first post...but here goes anyway...

How can I know if this desire’s from you?
Who’s gonna test that my intentions are true?
When my heart steers my head like a sail on the breeze
Should following you feel like swimming upstream?

...or is is possible Lord, that we could dream the same dream?